Wednesday, June 22, 2011

06/22/2011

I'm going to have some exciting news to share within the next few weeks! Hopefully, I'll also have a video to post in regards to that exciting news! 
All I will say for now is that I better practice speaking in front of lots of people, and be prepared to answer some questions! 

 

Monday, June 20, 2011

At Night She Dreams

A handful of years ago, when I moved back to Michigan- I went and got a *tramp stamp* tattoo (and if I'd known at the time they were called tramp stamps, I would have gotten it in another location) that simply says "At Night She Dreams".
I was careful as what to get permanently marked on my body- I knew I wanted words being that at the time, I was heavily into writing poetry. I knew I wanted it to be something I had written so I know it would be unique and customized. And I knew I had to get something that represented me. I also knew that if someone was to see the tattoo, that they'd wonder what the meaning was behind it. So, being that I literally dream a very significant amount of times almost every night- I could simply say, "I dream a lot".
The poem I'd written with that phrase in it really sums up the reasoning behind the tattoo. Little did I really know it then, but that's how it always happened. I would write how I felt, and then later realizing the true meaning, and powerful impact the poem really had at the time, whether the meaning was intentional or hidden.


Anyways. Just yesterday I was sitting out in the sun thinking about how I become less creative when I'm happy and content. My writing always came from a dark place. A beautiful place, but very dark and raw. And unfortunately, writing really isn't a part of my life anymore, though I think about it often. But I found that since I've been married and sincerely content and comfortable (and knowing I have stability)- that I don't have such a dark place to derive from anymore. Which is totally ok! I have noticed a significant shift even from my photos, they're more pleasant than they've been before. I'm content with that change. I know I'm not stuck in the past, and that I'm growing into my future.


But last night I had such a depressing dream. It was short, and to the point.
I dreamt that I leaned over to grab something, exposing my At Night She Dreams tramp stamp tattoo to Steve, and as I felt him tracing the words with his finger- he said; "Your tattoo, it's fading."


And that was it!


This morning I felt very depressed when I woke up, remembering that dream. My tramp stamp means a lot to me. It reminds me to think of myself, and follow my own dreams- however small or simple they may be. I never ask for much in life. I never have. I always give and make sure everyone else is taken care of, and all I've asked for in return is allow me to have my own dreams.


Now, I'm not saying that my husband or my content life is preventing me from having dreams, let alone following them. But like I said, when I get comfortable I start slacking on the creative. I'm ok with being happy and I wouldn't change my life right now for anything! I have truly found the love of my life, and our life and future together is my number one priority. 
I guess it's just a bit on the depressing side because I'm saying goodbye to a very large chunk of my life that hindered me. (What?! Did I just really type that??) My dreams- figuratively speaking or not- was the only thing I had to rely on to keep myself going. For many years, I've held onto them, cradled them and nursed them to grow along side me. My dreams were once my first and foremost priority, and now they're not.
Now is the time to let go of those particular dreams- Set it free so I can conjure up new dreams.
I guess?!

So- some people are probably curious about the poem that inspired the tattoo, so here it is: But I do warn you, the poem isn't pleasant. I do not condone violence in any sense- and yes, the poem is partly true but only on both levels of emotional and physical abuse. Though I did not harm anyone, and I never went to jail for murder.




At Night She Dreams

No one could see the burning anger

that hides well deep in her eyes.
Pretending what he says doesn't matter,
she hides the bruises and scars with lies.
It's only at her last patience
when she runs away to hide.
Fearing no one could ever save her
she swears her mouth not to confide.

At night, she cries
to let it all go away.
And at night she dreams
of a far away peace that only she knows.
Wherever her mind takes her
that's where she goes. 


She dies each time he hurts her mother
she clutches her fists tight.
He claims it's just his frustrations
as her screams pierce into the night.
She closes her eyes to dream
but too much noise drowns her thoughts.
He bursts into her room with anger
yelling it's all her fault.
A tear slides down her cheek
she tries to show she's just mad.
She can't let him know he's her weakness
while trying to hold back 
with all the pride she had. 


At night, she'll cry
all her emotions steaming.
Promising herself it'll all end soon,
at night, crying to the moon.


She lay in bed with silence 
too scared to take a breath.
She thinks about running away
and even makes up stories about his death.
Distantly she hears him cursing
all the way down the hall.
Her eyes welled with tears
as she presses herself to the wall.
Her heart beats louder
she's afraid he could hear.
He flips the light on and stares,
she tries not to show her fear...


That night, she cried
pleading with God to help her.
And that night, she swore
he gave her the answer.
All those times she cried
too scared to run away.
Hoping that someday she'd be free,
now that time had come. 


He came home from working
his expression made her smile.
She knew this was the moment
she waited for a while.
He started in with her mother
and she fought with all her might.
While running to the bedroom
my mind repeated what would happen tonight.
I knew just where to find it
and I knew what had to be done.
Staring blankly on the floor of the closet
I tightly gripped his gun. 


That night, I cried
sitting all alone in the cell.
And that night, I cried

I was finally free from that hell.
Smiling to the moon- I said,

I'll be free from here someday soon.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Ventilation

I'd like to know what this world has come to? Why do people think it's ok to act as they are when it clearly and utterly disrespects another? There are some rules out there that we can not change, that we must abide by. I work in an industry where certain things are critical for the sake of my company. If I do not abide by certain rules, it can cause problems for my company, and for myself. A very small- yet simple example, If I ask for your damn drivers license,  it's for a damn good reason. There are rules out there that even I can't change- and yes, sometimes I want to change them just for the sake of getting your disrespectful, rude ass out of my face. I don't like to be disrespected, or "bullied" into doing something that goes against policy or rules- or that could come back to haunt me and get me fired. Why, oh dear lord, can't people accept that SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO DO WHAT SOMEONE ASKS OF YOU?!?!? Is it really that hard??? Do you really have to talk back to someone just because your pathetic ass doesn't want to walk all the way back to your car to get something? Wait... I don't mean *all the way* back to your car, because chances are, your lazy ass parked so close to the building in fear of having to take a couple extra steps in your day.
Maybe if you had a bit more patience and respect, then you'd get that in return from others you interact with. 




Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Weekend Trip

We drove the RV down to Sandy Hook, NJ where we had the pleasure of visiting Fort Hancock- which is a US Army Fort that was built in 1859. Fort Hancock installed Battery Potter in 1893, which housed the nations first disappearing gun battery. Fort Hancock also played an important role for the defense of the New York Harbor throughout WWII.
Sandy Hook Lighthouse is located in the vicinity as well. The lighthouse was built in 1764, and is our nations oldest working lighthouse. Originally the lighthouse stood only 500 feet from the tip of Sandy Hook-

However, today, due to growth caused by littoral drift, it is almost one and a half miles inland from the tip.

We covered a lot of ground on the bikes, being there were bike paths all throughout the Fort that made it very convenient to visit all the surrounding buildings. Later, we finished the night by grilling Tuna shish-kabobs.


After spending the second half of Saturday and the first half of Sunday peddling our bikes in light rain around the base, taking hundreds of photos- fighting off mosquito's and being completely amazed by the entire Fort Hancock experience- we ended up heading over to Barnegat for our nephews graduation party on Sunday afternoon. Hanging out with family, eating delicious foods and having a chance to relax.
The next day we spent in Long Beach Island- visiting Barnegat Lighthouse. The view was amazing, though I will admit the height nearly gave me a heart attack. Got some more awesome photos. Ate some more delicious food from the cutest seafood joint- and then finally getting a chance to soak up the sun on the beach before we showered up and headed home. 



That sorta sums it up, but we had an amazing weekend. Nothing like (semi) roughing it out in an RV for a couple days, even though we had a shower with hot water, and a gas stove for cooking.
I was surprised when I loaded the SD cards in the pc, and found I had taken about 1000 photos.
That will take some time to sort through, but I've already uploaded 2 photos to my Facebook photography page.  So go check it out, and keep checking back. I'm hoping I can get around to a few more pics tonight!



Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Message

Recently I was directed to a particular page of someone who apparently isn't a fan of my work, but more so- isn't a fan of me. Some heinous claims were made at one point about the authenticity of my photos, and my intentions with the ideas/concepts behind them.

I assure you I do not imitate or *steal* any other persons work, nor do I, or ever have, had intentions of doing it. 

These days where it seems you could throw a stone and hit someone who claims to be a photographer, it is likely that an idea has already, in some shape or form, been produced. Originality is hard to come by these days. It's not an easy job to do trying to figure out an absolute new twist on something that's so widespread. That's why you don't see me updating hundreds of photos every single day. I shoot what I feel, when the time is right- as sparingly as that may be at times. Am I influenced by other photographers? Of course, we all are. Chances are, I've had every single idea that I already see produced by another, I just haven't gotten around to shooting that concept yet, for whatever reason. If you don't believe me, then take a look at my notebooks filled with ideas, and the corresponding dates in which they were created.

The person obviously has no professional values, and sadly the accusations are coming from a different, more personal perspective, than simply trying to seek justice.



Misty

Monday, June 6, 2011

06.06 Part 2

Go like this page!!

If you like my Zombie/Red Riding photos, then you'll be sure to like Lauren's awesome gore photography! 
Just please try to restrain yourselves from imitating her work.... some people like to do that, and it gets a little annoying!
 



GO GO GO GO!!

06.06

Imitation is the best form of flattery.