Friday, August 15, 2014

August 15th

Since photography is so time consuming (shooting and editing), there is little room for that in my life anymore. I have moved onto artsy/crafty things that keep me busy.
I have sold a few items and I'm getting really good at being proud of what I have created. I have so much craft items stashed away in the closet, not to mention my hoard of photo frames. It is time that I get busy and make use of all of those things. This summer I have been extremely lucky with finding great items for either nothing, or next to nothing. I scour the curbside and the garage sale pages and snatch up anything that I know I can use in the future. I certainly have plenty of things to keep me busy well into the winter.

So. My first crafty things were these little houses that I started to make out of wood. Nothing too spectacular, but I love anything that has to do with.... anything (really). Especially houses, because you can always make up a story about who lives there and what kind of life they lead.

Aren't they cute?! The church and the seagull print have been sold, but the rest and more are for sale on my facebook page.

Today I picked up a boring country shelf and gave it a cute facelift- that is for sale on my page too. I do offer shipping! Just pay the exact shipping charges on top of the purchase.

Other than that, I'm just raising a sweet, lovable baby. She is getting so big. I was looking at her birth pictures last night and I can't believe she was ever that tiny. Only 19 months ago, but feels like so much longer.

Take care everyone! I'm knee deep in projects!

Saturday, March 8, 2014

The Great Time Machine.

I have been very nostalgic recently. Is that what happens when you have a child?

I have been doing a lot of reflecting the past several weeks. Trying to adjust some areas of myself that needed improvement. It is true that the first step in working on yourself, is acknowledging it. I can't tell you how much of a difference that has made.
I have also had some insight from a few people, unknowing to them how much of a view changer they have become. In the grand scheme of my life, you may think these people pose insignificance, but I think that is where the power of their words have really sprouted from.

Maybe it is a complex I had developed from God knows where, but I always thought I wasn't favorable for many reasons. Favorable with friendships, relationships... I just thought there was something about me that was too weird or undesirable to pay any mind to. I felt like that kid that was never picked for a partner on field day, the one people gossiped about. I wasn't popular and I knew I would never be one of them. My family social status was low on the totem pole and I just didn't have what it took to follow the crowd.
It has affected me up until recently, no doubt. Just one more thing to add to my pile of insecurities that I held off to the side. 

But I had some insight. Confessions from a couple people. I got an inside view of their approach. It made me realize, we are all the same on the inside. Insecurities, doubts, fear of rejections, shyness to the extreme. We just all handle it differently, or not at all.
It is weird, but I think I am able to go back to my childhood and change my point of view on how I saw myself, because of how they saw me. I feel like I'm able to undo the damage I caused to myself all those years. Erase negative areas and replace them with positive. I know it is impossible to go back in time, but I think this is as close as one could ever be. And it also made me realize that I never wanted to be one of them. To hang out with that crowd. I embrace my weirdness because if I weren't, then would I have any of this?

Sunday, October 27, 2013


I never really cared what people had to say or what they thought when it came to the matters of myself or my life. It isn't often I take things serious enough for it to put a dent in my day. But when it comes to my child, I am learning that I do take things said, to heart. Because like all mothers, we want what is best for our children. We want to make sure we are doing things right, and if someone says we aren't, then we want to fix that.
As a first time mother, I will openly admit that I didn't know everything when my daughter was born. Each day was new and different- never the same challenges or dilemma's. Most days I was scared out of my skin, constantly questioning myself if I was even cut out for this calling. Thinking I'd made a mistake and bringing a tiny human in this world was going to end up as some tragic Lifetime movie.
If you're reading this, and you are a mother- I KNOW one of your first fears as a new mom was something along the lines of "How on earth am I going to keep this little person alive??"
If that wasn't a fear of yours, then leave this page right now because you are not human, or you are not a woman and you will not relate.

Yet we find there is countless opinions out there and maybe we shouldn't listen to each and every piece of advice. Some people just like to vent, or stick their nose where it doesn't belong, or they feel they know it all and we all need to follow their advice to the T or we will die and go to a fiery hell, surrounded in a sea of twerking Miley's. 

I'm not sure why it is. Maybe because of my lack of seriousness personality, or that I just ignored it all before- but it appears there has been more nose stuck in my business since the birth of my daughter. Yea, I know- a new baby and everyone wants to oooh and ahhh and as a new, proud mother I want to share every single second of every single day with WHOEVER wants to listen. You may not find it so cute and amusing when I tell you about how Angie had a smushed pea suck to her left temple because you've seen it a hundred times already with your own children. But it is cute and new to me.
But yea, I have learned over the past 9+ months that there were things that I should have left out of conversations, experiences that I shouldn't have shared. I'm not saying that I regret the experiences I had to endure because it was a stepping stone, but I do regret "opening up" to people who I thought I could talk to. Mother to mother. If I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. Because it just seemed to open myself up for attacks down the road.

And it isn't just "one thing", "one person", or "one remark", it has been several over the course of the past year. And when I'm minding my own business walking down the isle of a supermarket and I get a random strangers opinion on how I should have my daughter seated in the cart- I put all these little unpleasant sticky-note comments on one wall and it makes me feel like shit! And I'm thinking - wow! even a random stranger is trying to correct me, AM I REALLY THAT BAD?? Because like I said in the beginning- we all want to be good mothers (well, most of us- excluding the crackheads and the like who need their uterus's extracted immediately so they don't breed more crackheads into the world and they all end up either in prison for heinous crimes, or on welfare squirting out even more crackheads.) (This does not pertain to *all* crackheads, I'm sure there are good crackhead moms out there just trying to make ends meet in a cold, hard world of judgmental moms.)

I know you're never really supposed to let people know when they've gotten under your skin. Because that allows them to do it to you over and over. Believe it or not, some people enjoy doing that to others. And maybe some people don't realize the effects of their opinions/advice/snide remarks, but I am going to tell you right now that it did get to me. Because now I look at everything I say and do and I question myself if it is the right move to make in front of other eyes. I wonder if they are judging me. Questioning my ability. And if it got to me, then I know it gets to other mom's who had to endure similar experiences.

Bottom line- words hurt. They stick. They stick then, they stick now and they stick months down the road.

So, thank you (sarcastically. And this is the part where I want YOU to feel bad about the pressures you've inadvertently or intentionally put on a new mom who is trying her best to be a good mother and raise her child right.) for your comments through out the months. I really needed that (like I need a hot poker stick rammed up through my anus and out through my skull like a shish-ka-bob) to keep me in check and on the right page in the book of  How To Be A First Time Mom The Right Way Because Any Other Way You Will Be Criticized Until You Feel Unworthy And Ashamed.

So there you have it. I think I am going to make it a point from here on out that I am not going to let this get to me any longer. Because if it is affecting me, it is affecting my daughter. And shame on YOU for inadvertantly having that negative influence in her life! (see what I did there?)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

A book, not my own....

I suppose it has been over a year now that I had responded to an ad from a woman who was looking to write a book on self esteem. The author was looking for diary entries to be submitted, in regards to any struggling of self image, drugs/alcohol, suicide, etc...
I wasn't really sure if this project of hers would go far, or if I would ever even hear from her, but over the past year she has kept in touch with me to let me know her progress for the book. Some time ago I had submitted a handful of poems to her that I had written over the years, and periodically she has touched base with me with questions she has had regarding them.
I'm going to assume the book is from her own educated experiences, and experiences of others she has had the pleasure of interviewing.

So, I am excited to announce that hopefully the beginning of 2014, her book will be released- and some of my writings are going to be in it! She has just informed me that I will be getting a complimentary book, which I am super excited about! It will be weird to have my writings published in someone else's work, and I'm super anxious to see what her book is going to be about in its entirety. Also, to be able to read other people's experiences as well.

I will let you know when I get the copy, or when I hear any final information.
How awesome is this!!!

Thursday, October 3, 2013

October goodness!

Fall has arrived! I am so excited. Fall to me is like everyone's summer. People are more likely to get depressed in the winter, where as I get depressed in the summer. I love the fall, I come alive. I don't do spring cleaning, I save it up for when the air gets crisp and the leaves start to fall. 

Have I mentioned how much I love Fall??!

I have been a busy bee the past few weeks. Angie is at that age where I have to say enough is enough, and it is time to get things organized! We have been in this house for 8 months and boxes still need to be sorted through.
Angie finally has her room to herself and you can actually walk around in it. Her closet is all cleaned out and everything organized in their specified locations. The room looks so big now without all the boxes and random junk laying around. The next room I tackled was the computer/guest room. I had moved my pc into there from Angie's room (breaking my pc along the way... ugh) and threw out so much crap. Now that room is all organized and cleaned from debris.

Not too long ago I made a mantel to hang up in the living room. 

The Mantel
I have the furniture all mapped out as to where everything would best fit. 

Living Room floor plans
I'm still nagging my husband to move the tv to the other wall, so my mantel can go up. I am anxious to decorate it for all the upcoming holidays. Apparently my husband is unaware of how crucial it is that he get the tv moved.
For the time being, I found a nice place for the mantel to sit. Right on top of the coffee table that is pushed against the wall and out of reach of little hands.

Unfortunately it has caught on fire and the whole thing burned to the ground.
I'm kidding- that glow is actually a string of Christmas lights. I thought it would give a cool effect.

Let's see.. Oh, I closed out my personal fb page! How liberating that has been- though it has only been about 8 hours and I already had to reactivate it twice to get vital info from my messages. I did keep my photography page up, and have designated an administrator along with myself. I will still upload photos to that, probably more now that I have one less distraction in my life. Facebook started to become an aggravating pain in the rear. I would be in the middle of doing something, and used logging in to check my news feed as sort of a cigarette break. Getting all sorts of distracted and then losing motivation as to what I was in the middle of doing. Too much to do still to be bothered with that. Plus, some people see fb as a drama outlet and that isn't what I want it to be about.

I have been doing some furniture reclaiming. Found a cute little rocking chair for 5 bucks at a garage sale, cleaned it, sanded it and put a fresh coat of stain on it. Today I took Ang out for some fall photos, using it as a prop.

Before and after of the re-do.

Today's shoot. Ahhhh so stinking cute!! I love her to pieces. Daddy had to come in and help getting her smile. I can't do everything! lol
I think we are doing the pumpkin picking soon, so there will be more fall photos to come- those will be her 9 month pics.

Hmmmm, what else.... I'm collecting all of Angie's photos since her birth to make a photo album. That way she has something on paper to look back on through out the years. So far I have collected 283 pics to have printed, and that isn't even all of them. I have to go into my crashed pc to try and retrieve photos from there. Hopefully that won't be a problem.

Oh! I have done two frames so far out of wood! One I can't upload because I think it is a gift to someone, but here is my first completed....

Pretty nifty, huh? As soon as I can get the other frame out, and I know it is safe to post a pic, I will do so.

My next project is this-

It is a table I got for a few bucks at a garage sale, the top is galvanized steel that was removable. I will redo the top and the bottom rack in aged wood. It's gonna be pretty cool- my record player will sit on it for the holiday season so I can jam some 1960's Christmas songs.

Then after that I have a dresser that will be transformed into a bench with storage/another photo prop to photograph my daughter on. Not too long ago I found some clearance fabric that would look great on it.

Anddd... lastly... We just returned from a trip to Michigan. Stopped in Cleveland along the way to visit the Christmas Story house (The house that was in the movie A Christmas Story) and the Rock and Roll Hall of fame again.

It was a nice vacation- Angie's first real long ride. She did great. She finally got to meet some family and friends that hadn't yet seen her. I got to do pics for my step sister's little girl and for some friends.

Welllllll........ I guess that is the massive update for now. I guess now that FB is closed out, I am going to have to utilize this blog with all my updates.
Until next blog........