Not sure if any of you are familiar with LiveJournal.com. It is an online blog that I've had for many years, (8 to be exact.) It pretty much has documented my life living in NY when I moved here. I remember the day I started the journal.
Unfortunately, the past few years I haven't updated much in it. It's actually been over a year since my last entry.
But I like to go back and read the journal every now and then. There's so much in it that usually I just skip around the years and months.
I used to update in it pretty much every single day, sometimes more than once a day. And I tell you, reading it now is so strange to me because I really don't know that girl that used to write in it. She has grown up and changed so much.
My LIFE has changed so much over the years, so much and so dramatically. It's crazy how fast time goes, and just when you start to think that you have it all figured out, you're in your 30's! Man! Where did my youth go?!
My favorite parts in it are the ones where I used to talk about "Hot Steve". Hot Steve, now being my husband! There are entries in it from 2003 where I mention him. How crazy is that?! Sometimes I still think I'm dreaming when I look at him. We could be in mid-conversation about a car blowing a gasket, and while he's rambling on and on, I'm just like..... "OMG!! HE'S MY HUSBAND. AM I DREAMING!?!? IS THIS REAL!?!?!" And then I think about how grateful I am to be with such an amazing person. How happy he makes me, and how happy we are with our life, together.
But of course there are a lot of sad memories to be read in that journal too. Friends that I've lost over the years, for whatever reasons. Grudges, heartaches. Things that I wish I could have done differently if only we'd know how to handle the grown-up situations while we were younger.
A lot of confusion and uncertainty. A lot of wishing, hoping, praying that someday it would get better... or even tolerable.
Man, this journal is also depressing. I found myself crying towards the end of reading about my last few weeks in Michigan before I moved back here for the second time.
And then how happy I felt when reading the first blog entry after I came back. Reading it made me view it as I was seeing it for the first time, all over again. Such a relief to be back here, where I belong and where I've always known I belong.
Crazy. I thought about posting a few entries, but no one would really understand them, except for me. No matter how comical or sarcastic they are. I don't think anyone would really "get it", and quite frankly, it's sort of embarrassing to read how lost and alone I was for so long. The different situations I put myself into. The drama to try and fit somewhere. I was a sad little girl....
But I had some amazing moments in there too, and in the end, I'm glad I blogged my life over the past several years.
Unfortunately, the past few years I haven't updated much in it. It's actually been over a year since my last entry.
But I like to go back and read the journal every now and then. There's so much in it that usually I just skip around the years and months.
I used to update in it pretty much every single day, sometimes more than once a day. And I tell you, reading it now is so strange to me because I really don't know that girl that used to write in it. She has grown up and changed so much.
My LIFE has changed so much over the years, so much and so dramatically. It's crazy how fast time goes, and just when you start to think that you have it all figured out, you're in your 30's! Man! Where did my youth go?!
My favorite parts in it are the ones where I used to talk about "Hot Steve". Hot Steve, now being my husband! There are entries in it from 2003 where I mention him. How crazy is that?! Sometimes I still think I'm dreaming when I look at him. We could be in mid-conversation about a car blowing a gasket, and while he's rambling on and on, I'm just like..... "OMG!! HE'S MY HUSBAND. AM I DREAMING!?!? IS THIS REAL!?!?!" And then I think about how grateful I am to be with such an amazing person. How happy he makes me, and how happy we are with our life, together.
But of course there are a lot of sad memories to be read in that journal too. Friends that I've lost over the years, for whatever reasons. Grudges, heartaches. Things that I wish I could have done differently if only we'd know how to handle the grown-up situations while we were younger.
A lot of confusion and uncertainty. A lot of wishing, hoping, praying that someday it would get better... or even tolerable.
Man, this journal is also depressing. I found myself crying towards the end of reading about my last few weeks in Michigan before I moved back here for the second time.
And then how happy I felt when reading the first blog entry after I came back. Reading it made me view it as I was seeing it for the first time, all over again. Such a relief to be back here, where I belong and where I've always known I belong.
Crazy. I thought about posting a few entries, but no one would really understand them, except for me. No matter how comical or sarcastic they are. I don't think anyone would really "get it", and quite frankly, it's sort of embarrassing to read how lost and alone I was for so long. The different situations I put myself into. The drama to try and fit somewhere. I was a sad little girl....
But I had some amazing moments in there too, and in the end, I'm glad I blogged my life over the past several years.
