I posted this awhile ago, but quickly made it private. But I want to post it again because I know you come here. I'm not sure you had a chance to read it before, so here it is now.
I don't know why I care to even tell you, and you probably won't believe me anyways. But I will give you this piece of information and you can do with it what you will, though it will probably just cause you more pain.
It wasn't only me. There were others, whether he will admit it or not.
Before I left to come back home, I went to the bathroom to wash off my face. His bathroom. As I was drying myself off with his hand towel, I noticed hair was wrapped all in it. Dark, long curly hair. It wasn't mine and from the looks of it, it wasn't yours either.
It certainly doesn't matter much now, but at the time he told me there wasn't anyone when I would ask about any "relationships" he may have had around that period.
It was obvious he was lying to me about his personal life. That moment with the hand towel confirmed it. Could you imagine how I felt when I saw that? Like a damn idiot. Like you, I had some amount of trust established in him.
Up until that point I thought him and I were on decent terms. Well, I was hopeful that it could be possible anyways. Enough to where he could at least be a true friend to me and tell me the truth. I was very truthful to him the entire several years we'd been talking... just as I am to everyone else.
So hate me if you will if that's what you need to do in your grieving period.
That was some years ago and I've gotten over it.
As far as being concerned about his well being? Maybe it was a lie, but he portrayed to me he was really messed up over what had happened in Iraq. That and his drinking problem confirmed he had some type of demons chasing him.
Who knows what the truth is now? Maybe he did all that to make me feel sorry for him? I don't know.
I guess it worked because I still cared about his well being.... that is, up until yours and my myspace conversations when I found out about your relationship with him for several years, and it had me wondering how many others there were besides you, me and the girl with the dark hair.
I didn't ruin anything single-handedly, or even knowingly for that matter. Like I said before, I would have never gotten involved in that type of drama if I had known what was really going on in his life.
Maybe he was just a piece of shit who used me, you and whoever else.
I really do hope you find peace with this. I know you don't want any type of words of comfort, especially coming from me... "the girl who ruined your life".
I'm sorry you're hurting from all of this.
